Autumn-
When I wake up, I am in a stark white hospital room. I have no clue how I got here. There is a nurse in front of me. She has blue hair tightly twisted into some sort of sloppy braided knot. Across the room I see Cara, Jordan, Mia, Sophie, and Mrs. Camden. Each of them look a little worse for wear, but nothing bad. Nothing life threatening. But you never know, so I suppose that I can’t be sure.
“Hey, Autumn,” they all say in greeting.
“Hi,” I reply.
“How’re you feeling, honey?” Mrs. Camden’s silky black hair falls like a river in front of her petite face.
“Fine, I guess. What’s going on?”
What is she talking about? They all have a couple of bruises. How could I look any worse than them? And then…
And then I remember: my leg.
Hastily, I peel back the blanket and stare. The nurse with blue hair places a gentle hand on my shoulder. “We got all the debris out,” she says. “But that cut is too deep.”
“Will you have to cut it off?” I whisper.
“Oh, heavens no,” the nurse assures me. “But you will have to walk with a crutch from now on. The scar tissue just won’t heal properly. I’m sorry, doll.”
My brain finally catches up to the horrific image in front of me. My leg has a lumpy wound stitched up with a thick, disgusting black thread. And it looks like something out of a horror movie. And...And it doesn’t sit right.
My leg is crooked. And I can’t fix it.
“Can’t you reset it?” I ask, hoarsely.
Mia looks away, and I think she might vomit.
“We tried,” the nurse says. “But it’s beyond repair now, doll.”
Slowly, I nod and rest my head against the pillow behind me. I don’t even try to stop the tears from leaking out the corners of my eyes. Cara and Sophie pull up to my side.
“Hey now,” Sophie says, motioning to Jordan. “We’ll still be your pals.”
“It’ll be okay,” Cara assures me.
“I’m sorry, Autumn,” Mia grasps my hand.
“It’s not your fault,” I say through tears. But I feel so broken. I feel like I should be able to fix this. I look down, my vision blurry and struggle to at least move my leg, make it budge. But the slightest strain causes ripples of agony to go across my body and I convulse, screaming.
Mrs. Camden’s sobs rival the volume of my own. “I’m sorry, baby, I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault, either!” I moan.
“It is and it isn’t,” she replies. “But I wanted you to know that you’re staying with me.”
My crying ceases almost immediately. “What about my family? What’s going on?”
The look on her and Cara’s faces tell me. The way they pale and avoid my gaze. A word ripples through my mind, worse than my pain, worse than my leg.
Divorce, divorce, divorce, divorce, divorce.
“It’s temporary,” Mrs. Camden adds.
But that doesn’t matter.
DIVORCE, DIVORCE DIVORCE, DIVORCE, DIVORCE.
“Just go away,” I sob into my pillow, clutching it with trembling hands, tears and spit soaking it, but I don’t care I don’t care I don’t care. I don’t.
Mrs. Camden’s warm, strong, slender hands find my shoulders and she holds on, tight. Cara rubs my back, with slow deliberate strokes. They won’t let me be hurt anymore. They won’t let anyone see.
My sobs sound like strangled screeches, but they soon fade to whimpers. And after a while, Cara holds my chin up.
“The nurse has some other precautions she’d like to go over with you,” she says kindly.
I turn to the blue-haired nurse, wiping ferociously at my eyes and nose. “Sorry.”
“No need to apologize,” the nurse walks to a closet and pulls out a sparkly, opalescent crutch. She makes her way back over to my hospital bed and places it on my lap. I stare at it for a moment, shivering at the idea of what this means.
“Or we have a wheelchair,” she offers. “I can come by later to test both out if you’d like.”
Mrs. Camden nods, saying that yes, I would like that.
But I wouldn’t. But saying so would disappoint them. And they are already staring at me like I am a wounded puppy or a kitten that needs to be hugged. Maybe I do. But what I want is to be alone to sort out my thoughts. I don’t want to end up saying or doing something that I’ll regret.
“We’ll head out as soon as you feel up to it, okay, Autumn?” Mrs. Camden says.
“Out? But don’t I have to stay?”
The nurse shakes her head. “Nope. Your leg is as healed as I can make it for now. You’ve been here for about three days, Autumn. We kept you sedated.”
Oh. That explains it.
“I’m ready then.”
The nurse nods and takes my crutch.
“I’ll help,” Cara offers. “Come here, babe.”
Even though we went through a severely-traumatic experience, she still smells like strawberries and cream. I swing my left leg over the edge of the bed. My right one, however, refuses to cooperate.
“I...I…” I turn away in embarrassment.
“No problem, girlie,” says Cara. She gently shifts my injured limb and then scoops me up. I can’t help but feel a bit silly.
“Three days,” I whisper.
“It’s okay, Autumn,” Sophie insists.
DIVORCE, DIVORCE, DIVORCE, DIVORCE.
I know she means well. But nothing is okay right now. I don’t think things will ever be the same.
As they help me into the car, I try to picture what my new kind of normal will look like. The drive home is peaceful and quiet, but about halfway through, Mrs. Camden suggests music. I am content to stare out my window to think. Mrs. Camden’s car is demolished from the fall, so the one we’re currently in is a rental. Cara tells me that Mia and I blacked out after the fall. Fortunately, someone saw our car topple off the edge of the bridge and they called 911. A helicopter came a picked us up and dropped us off at the hospital.
Finally, Mrs. Camden grows tired of the stifling silence and she turns on some Taylor Swift, trying to get us to sing along and lighten the mood. But all I can think is, what happened to my old normal? What happened to my old life? One glance at my distorted leg makes me want to open the window so that I don’t get sick in the rental. It’s numb right now, but that’s probably just the painkiller.
“Autumn,” Mrs. Camden turns the volume down.
Taylor Swift whispers the lyrics to Safe and Sound.
“Just close your eyes, the sun is going down.” I obey Taylor’s wishes and shut my eyes, feeling a rebellious tear leak out anyways.
“You’ll be alright.”
Will I?
“No one can hurt you now.”
I’m not so sure about that.
“Autumn,” Cara looks back at me.
“Do you need me to pull over?” Mrs. Camden asks.
Their voices swirl in my head like a whirlwind of orders and stress and all these things that I cannot deal with right now. I pull my eyes open and find five pairs locked on me.
“I just have a headache,” I manage to say.
Mia hands me her water bottle. “Here.”
I sip the cool water and it rushes down my parched throat.
“Much better,” I say as convincingly as I can.
“Is the music bothering you?”
Yes, I want to say. But I know how much Jordan, Mia, and Sophie love music, so I won’t. I will not complain.
“No, ma’am.”
“Don’t worry, sugar,” Mrs. Camden turns the volume back up. “We’re almost home.”
Home?
Taylor now sings You Belong With Me. Maybe it seems stupid or silly or insane, but I wonder if I will ever find that one person. That person who I must belong with. The missing piece to my broken puzzle.
I wonder what my family will say when they see me.
This is so good