Autumn-
The last thing I expect to find when I get back to school is a yellow Post-it note taped to my locker. I find it after second period.
We're going to have to start meeting in secret, it said. —A
I feel an odd sensation ripple throughout me. It starts out as excitement—the confirmation that he does like me. But it slowly starts to melt into dread. Why do we need to meet in secret? Is he too ashamed to be seen as the potential lover of a cripple? But that doesn't seem right. Adam isn't the type of person who seems to care much about what people think of him. There has to be another reason.
Lost in thought, I grab my Biology textbook and work myself along with my crutch down the hall. No one passing by says hello or asks me how my break went. And I don't even try to socialize. I'm here to learn, not to make friends—although yes, that is a bonus. I have other things to keep my mind occupied with.
I spy Mia across the hall, on her way to Biology as well and I begin to make a beeline for her. But before I open my mouth to say anything to her, a girl with Lucious, bright red—and I mean red like a strawberry—steps in front of me. She has to be at least seventeen, with thick black glasses that frame emerald eyes. Her skin is as pale as porcelain, spotted with freckles. A pretty smile glows across her lips, but it doesn't melt the ice in her eyes.
"Hi there!" she says cheerfully, but stiffly.
"Hi," I reply tentatively.
"Are you Autumn Hathaway?"
I take a step back and my hands tighten around my science book and crutch. Who is this girl? Was she sent by Kelsey to come and tease me? And why does she look oddly familiar? "Yes."
She grabs my hand and shakes. "Oh my gosh! I'm so excited to meet you!"
"Did Kelsey send you?"
"Who? I'm Bailee Malach. Adam's older sister. He's told me lots about you!"
Bailee? This is Adam's sister? No wonder she looks familiar. They both have the same noses and shape of their eyes.
"You're Adam's sister?" I repeat excitedly. "Wow, I've been wanting to meet you, too! Did you just get here? Why didn't Adam tell me you were coming?"
"He didn't know until last night," Bailee informs me. "Kind of a last minute stop."
I can't stop myself from saying, "Well, he should've texted me."
"He wanted it to be a surprise."
I nod understandingly. "Well, it was a good surprise. I'm really glad to meet you. From all that Adam's told me, you are an incredible sister."
Bailee's countenance falters. "He...he said that?"
"Yes." I start to walk to my class. Bailee hurries to catch up and matches my pace. "He talks about you a lot."
"Oh? What kind of things does he say?" Is it my imagination or does Bailee sound nervous?
"Well," I say after a moment's pause. "He says you're funny. And helpful. And kind. He says he can't ever stay mad at you and that he hates it when you're mad at him and he can't do anything to make you forgive him. He loves when you joke around with him and when the two of y'all are best friends—even if it's only for a day."
"Did he...say anything else?"
"He said he loves you. And how you're so supportive—he appreciates that."
Bailee lowers her eyes to the ground and her fists tighten. "I haven't been very good at that lately."
"What do you mean?"
"Autumn? Autumn!"
I whirl around to find Adam angrily storming over to the two of us. Bailee's eyes narrow and she draws her lips into a firm line. Glancing between the two of them, it's clear there is some sort of long-going feud. I stand between them, feeling awkward and unwanted.
"Don't talk to her, Autumn," Adam snaps, but his anger is clearly directed at his sister.
"Why can't she talk to whoever she wants? You afraid I'll tell her something about you? Something you're hiding? Huh?" Bailee retorts back.
Hiding?
Adam blanches. "You wouldn't. You know that's not allowed. Even you wouldn't be so cruel!"
I glance back and forth, but then let my gaze linger on Adam. I wonder what the worst possible thing Bailee could tell me about him is. Embarrassing stories would be horrifying for a moment, but then they're forgotten about very soon. I wouldn't hold it over him. For long.
But by the way Adam looks truly terrified and still shaking with rage, I have an uncomfortable feeling that this might be more than the usual baby story. I can practically feel the secret radiating between the two of them. Being left out of it bites me like the winter air.
"I won't tease," I promise, looking to Adam for answers. "It's okay."
"No," he says firmly, grabbing my arms. "It's not okay. Let's go."
He pulls me away before Bailee can say anything. I glance over my shoulder a minute later, but she's gone. Vanished like she was never there to begin with. I blink.
Ignoring the stares and hushed gossip that our walking together has provoked, I lower my voice and say to Adam, "What's going on?"
He feigns innocence. "Nothing. Why would anything be wrong?"
"Stop. I'm serious."
"So am I," he sighs. "It's just some family stuff, really. Bailee likes causing drama. But nothing for you to worry about."
"Stuff at home?"
"Stuff at home," he agrees.
"Back in Canada?" That's my sad attempt to try and lighten the mood.
He gives me a tired smile. "Sure. I have to get to class. See you in Free Period?" he squeezes my hand and then walks away, his backpack disappearing into a classroom.
•••••••
Biology is hard to pay attention to. My thoughts keep flitting away from a pig's anatomy to the unease and stress that burned between the Malach siblings. I've never seen Adam so mad. He wasn't even that angry when Jasper attacked me. Professor Hayes passes out our daily quiz, informing us that we have a test on Friday. I scrawl my name onto the top of the paper and read over question one. Or, I try to at least.
What is he hiding from you? the tiny voice in my head asks. I try to will it away by shaking my head, imagining it as the pesky gnat that it is. I tap my pencil on the desk. Adam is probably right, I decide. Nothing's wrong. Nothing that concerns me. But it that's true then why was he so angry to find Bailee talking to me?
ARGH.
My thoughts just spiral as I finish my quiz. I've barely given a second thought to my answers so I probably bombed it. I stand up and make my way to Professor Hayes's desk. He smiles at me, his small eyes crinkling behind his tiny spectacles. His face reminds me of a pug, with a round splotch of a nose and wrinkles rippling across his leathery face.
"Thank you, Autumn," he says, taking my quiz.
Absentmindedly, I nod and give him a vacant smile. Puzzlement flashes across Mia's face as I pass her desk on the way back to mine, and she's no doubt wondering about the expression on my face. A mix of confusion and worry, I'm sure.
I resolve to confront Adam at lunch. Or will I? He just confirmed that he likes me. What if I scare him off or make him regret his decision? I sigh and watch the clock ticking, waiting for class to end. The second hand jerks in a circle too many times for me to count before the bell rings and everyone jumps up from their seats, me fastest of all. Class has never felt like it dragged on so long.
Hurrying to my locker, I quickly jam my textbook onto the shelf and straighten the books I'll need for my next class following lunch.
Adam walks out of the English room. I push past students milling around, chattering about nonsensical things that truly have no value. One of them smirks at me as I pass and hooks his leg around my crutch. I stumble. Luckily, I manage to catch myself with my arms but only for a moment, because seconds later, I crumple to the ground.
"Hey!"
I glance up to find Adam standing over me. His eyes flash and he turns toward the group of snickering kids. His fists tighten dangerously.
"Who tripped her?" he demands.
I watch, breathing hard. Nobody speaks up.
"I said, who did it?"
I grab my crutch and use Adam's arm to pull myself up. He helps me to steady myself.
"Are you okay?" He whispers.
"I'm okay. Really."
He looks at me, hesitant. Then he turns to the crowd. "Next time I see any of you mistreat her, you'll be regretting it."
We navigate our way through the hall as the group behind us mumble and I hear my name tossed from their mouths, like a disease nobody wants to catch.
"Do they do stuff like that during class? When I'm not around?" Adam asks, walking us to the lunchroom.
I flinch, remembering an incident in first period today in which Kelsey had placed an umbrella stand in front of my desk as I sat down.
"What?" I'd asked.
"There's a 'no old lady cane' policy here now. Or didn't you hear?" she asked.
Jasper came up behind me and tugged on my ponytail. "Poor, helpless, Monster. It's okay. We all love you despite your deformity."
"Do you?" I snapped.
"No," he said with an evil grin. "But I have been wanting to quote movies lately, right, Kels?"
She nodded, batting her long eyelashes.
"Today I think it'll be Beauty and the Beast. 'For who could ever learn to love a beast?'"
The two of them walked away cackling.
"Autumn?" Adam says, snapping me back to the present.
"Huh?"
"I asked if they're jerks all the time."
"I'm okay," I repeat. "You don't have to worry about me."
"But I do," he insists, then he lowers his voice and stares at his shoes. "Because...because..." his hands tremble. "I want you to be my girlfriend."
I blink, stupid. It takes my head longer than it should to process this. His eyes flicker and they glance up at mine.
"That's what the note on my locker was about," I say, having an "a-ha" moment.
He smiles. "So what do you say?"
My dimples feel like they cave in my cheeks. "Of course!"
Adam twines our fingers together and I hear one girl gasp about how scandalous our "waffle-ing" is. And it reminds me of something.
"Why did you say we need to meet in secret?" A bubble of unease grows inside of my stomach, threatening to squash my brief jubilation. His grin falters and he stares at our interlocked fingers.
"Adam?"
He doesn't answer. I feel something lodge in my throat. I just don't understand. Why would he ask me to be his girlfriend but not even tell me why he doesn't want to be public about this? Why? What is there that needs to be kept secret?
I can't do it.
I have such a hard time believing that I'm thinking that. After weeks of my thoughts drifting off to Adam, and the wanting him to like me back, the day he does, I decide I can't. No, that's not it. I just don't want him to keep things involving me from me. So I unthread my fingers from his.
"I'm not going to do this," I say, ignoring the stabbing pain.
His head snaps up. I drown in the pain that swims in the two hazel depths. "You—what?"
"I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't trust me."
"I do trust you!"
"Do you? Then why are you holding back? What won't you tell me?" I take a step back and cross my arms over my chest, pulling myself back together. "Look, I'll be your friend, okay? That's fine. It's...whatever. But anything more, you need to let me in. I did it for you. You know all about me. What's so bad about you that I can't know?"
The halls are empty. Everyone has gone to the cafeteria. I'm hungry and this conversation is going nowhere and eating into my lunchtime. I wait for a few seconds for him to say something. When he doesn't, I turn and walk away.
"No!" Adam says desperately. I pause. "It's not my fault that I can't tell you, Autumn, I swear. They told me I can't tell. They made me promise."
"Who?" I ask without turning around. "Who is they?"
"The people in charge of the place I work for."
Why is he being so annoyingly vague and cryptic? "And where is that?"
He sighs. "Autumn, I'm really not supposed to—"
"What?" I challenge, whirling around. "Do you have some secret job with the government or the president of the FBI or something?"
His eyes light up and he smiles.
"Oh, sorry," I say, sarcastically. "Must be the CIA, huh?"
Adam grabs my hand and pulls me back to him.
"What?" I demand.
"Leave it to you to guess," he says, laughing. He shoots a quick glance around the hallway. It's empty. "I have an internship with a group a little bit like the FBI, but less known. I'm not supposed to talk about it because I get let in on some serious stuff. So only a select few know. Bailee knows and she takes all the rules and restrictions super seriously. Like, I'm not supposed to tell anybody about this. And they don't want us in relationships so that our loyalty doesn't sway. See? I do trust you. I just took a huge risk telling you. And I want to be with you. But we can't be super obvious or they'll send me away."
I blink. Talk about an information dump. I didn't know about any group similar to the FBI. "Wow. But maybe this isn't a good idea. I mean, there's that risk of them finding out."
"No." he grasps my fingers tighter. "We're gonna risk it. It'll be okay. Alright?"
"Alright," I echo, locking my gaze with his. And for the first time in a good while, I feel certain that it will be.
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