The boy holding my hand stares at me. I’ve never seen eyes that exact shade of hazel. A rim of amber surrounds them and that sly twinkle remains. After all of our struggles, it’s one of the only things that does. Nothing feels the same. And maybe it never will.
“Autumn,” he says.
“Adam,” I respond.
Adam slowly steps forward–his caution is notable and I totally get it. I’m not good with people. But I don’t move as he steps closer again. Until he is right in front of me. I can feel his minty breath on my cheeks, which I’m sure are the color of a tomato. He slowly leans down and tilts my chin up. My breathing comes ragged. The world seems blurry and my head spins.
“A-Adam?” I whisper.
“Can I?” He asks.
I don’t need to ask what he means. I already know. And I’ve never been kissed before, so I have no clue what else to do except nod. Maybe I am a little curious. Maybe…
His lips are soft and taste of mint. I close my eyes, my heart exploding with pleasure. So this is what people talk about. This is the sensation of…belonging. Of being loved. Valued. Adored. Everything that I feel that I am not.
He drops my hand and tangles his fingers in my hair, rubbing the curls between his fingers. I literally cannot breathe.
Suddenly, there is a fire down my leg and I rip my eyes open and pull back.
“AUTUMN!” Adam roars.
I glance at him, expecting to see him right in front of me, but much to my horror, he’s at least a hundred feet away, and clawing at something thick and black. He’s so far away. I don’t know what’s happened. Quickly, I turn and find it. The monster that’s been hiding inside of me. I tend to keep it hidden. But today I failed. It came back. Stronger than before.
The blood on my leg stares at me. I glare back, furious with myself.
“ADAM!” I scream.
I don’t see him anymore. I don’t here him either. So where did he go?
“ADAM!” I try again.
Where is he?
“I’ve got him,” purrs the monster.
No! Not Adam Malach! What have I done?
“Maybe someday you’ll understand, Little Girl. Maybe once you see yourself for what you truly are.”
But I do understand.
Yes, I understand perfectly.
The monster has to die.
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